It's not that I'm not happy for her, because I am very happy for her. I know it's something she's wanted for awhile and she's in a wonderful relationship so it's not that I'm worried for her other than the usual pregnancy worrying and all. But ever since she's told me about it was like I felt like I was punched in the face. It was so triggering to me. When I was pregnant it was not what I wanted at all. It was the farthest from anything I could ever want. When I was pregnant I wanted to die. It was a horrible experience. Not the pregnancy but the experience of having to go through an unwanted pregnancy. But now that a good friend of mine is pregnant all the guilt has flooded back and I feel like horrible person. She's so excited about the baby that she posts those little pictures of what the baby is supposed to look like at whatever weeks and I do not want to see that at all!! That was the worst. I don't even care if it's just a drawing. I don't want to know what it looks like. And then I feel guilty for not wanting to look because she's so happy about it. But overall it just makes me feel horrible and guilty all over again.
Any advice other than the "don't look at the pictures" etc?
Also, on another note, I'm taking my partner to see "When Abortion Was Illegal" next Saturday for the 33th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade. I want to make my anti-choice friends go too, but I don't think that will help.
x-posted in one other pro-choice community